You are the key to your Heartš«
- Melody Kandil
- Jan 12, 2021
- 5 min read
My past relationships have had beautiful moments of course yet they also werenāt so fulfilling. I am finally at peace with every single one of them although it took a lot of work within myself to get there. I always leave every relationship with love and wish them the best because I did actually love them. I think when you really love and care for someone as a human itās hard to wish them any ill will. Iāve been through some very hurtful relationships in my life but I never sought revenge. I never slandered their name. If anything I gave too much when people didnāt deserve it although they probably needed that support more than anything. So who am I to judge what they deserve. Even through these hurtful times I looked past my pain to help them through their times of need. I was this way from a very young age. Sometimes I think back shocked at how well I handled certain experiences with such poise and maturity. There were times I had to be an adult before I ever became one. One thing is for sure I donāt regret any of my decisions. I hope I helped them in some transformative way. I know that they taught me life lessons. Some that at the time I didnāt think I should ever have to go through but it was all for reason. Every experience is a teacher if you allow the lessons to unfold for you. Iām a better person because of these relationships. Iāve grown tremendously and I wouldnāt trade any of those people or times in my life.
Iād be lying if I said it was easy though Iāll tell you that. There were times I never even got closure. I just sat with it. I sat with the shitty feelings that came up. I sat with feelings of being unwanted, mistreated, used, taken advantage of, having questions upon questions swirling around in my head. Some days I felt so lost and confused. Some days I felt happy and relieved. Heartbreak is a rollercoaster ride. Iām very selective with who I choose to give myself to so relationships have always been what breaks me down the most. I invest my whole heart. I donāt just say things I mean them. When I was younger it was hard for me to comprehend how to handle it. I couldnāt understand that people didnāt love with pure hearts. I couldnāt understand why people would say things yet their actions wouldnāt align. I couldnāt understand the cold heartedness. I couldnāt understand lying and cheating. I couldnāt understand why people didnāt want to be ridiculously in love with one human. I know that hurt people hurt people and one thing I did understand is that I was being hurt.
My gut always gave me signs. I saw things before they happened. I felt things before they ever came to fruition. In the end everything I thought and more ended up being true. That was a tough pill to swallow because they werenāt very pretty things to deal with. Even though I had feelings about these things ahead of time it didnāt make it any easier when it became true. We think we can protect ourselves from heartbreak but in reality we canāt. Itās still going to sting and feel unbearable when it happens.
If youāre like me you are loyal. You are honest and upfront. You donāt come into relationships with a false identity trying to display this perfect person. Yes, we all have our best foot forward when we start dating but that best foot still needs to be true to yourself. Donāt just be someone you want to be for this person or are trying to be because it sounds better than you actually think you are. I donāt believe in being someone you arenāt because the true you always shows up in the end. If you donāt love yourself itās going to be hard to love someone else. Although loving ourselves takes effort just like loving someone else. Itās a daily choice and practice. Itās natural to want to protect yourself when youāve been broken but itās important for our hearts to be open as well. You can be open yet still have boundaries. There will be a person that understands that guard and will know how to ease there way in because they truly care for you. My faith in my definition of true love is why I have a solid belief in never settling. I donāt mean set your expectations so high that they canāt be reached. I mean know how much your worth and donāt be with someone who doesnāt value you. You decide your value not the other person. This is with anything in life your career, friends, family etc..
Itās hard to understand why people hurt you. Itās hard to wrap your head around someone telling you they love you one day and then disappearing the next. We will never know the full details of a persons life or why they make the decisions they do. We wonāt know the full extent of their trauma because we didnāt go through it with them and we canāt fix it thatās for sure. We can support them but we canāt be their savior. Even if they give you some explanation it might not be the full truth.
The truth is we might never get the truth and we have to find peace with that. We can lead others to doors for healing but they have to choose to walk through them. We all have to make those choices because the only person we can control is ourselves. We can also walk away from any behavior that doesnāt make us feel good. We decide what we will and wonāt accept in our lives. We often forget this when weāre blinded by love or even lust. Yet Itās as simple and as complicated as we make it. If Iāve learned anything itās that Iām in control and whatever Iām allowing is on me. I didnāt choose to be hurt but I can choose to make it stop. I can choose myself and know that I deserve better and thatās what Iāve always done. Some relationships took me longer than others but I always chose myself in the end. I know my worth and what I bring to the table. If someone doesnāt want me in their life itās their loss not mine.
I hope that by sharing some of my personal insights it helps to heal someone elseās heart. I hope you know that you are not alone. I hope you know that one day you will understand why those people didnāt work out for you. Gods rejection is his protection and I firmly believed that even when I didnāt want to. Take it all one day at a time. Some days wonāt feel so good while others will be absolutely joyous. Your heart is resilient. Acknowledge it. Be proud of it and carry it with gentle hands. Your heart will always lead you where you need to be. Another door will open for you and it will be the greatest door youāve ever walked into because you believe it is.
Let LOVE in .... you deserve it and donāt let anyone tell you anything different. It EXISTS!
Love and Light to all š«š
Good advice. I always told your Mom, may not no what I want but have had a good taste of what Iām not living with. Choice is free so donāt blame or hold a grudge, it only holds you down. Have a blessed 2021 and move forward.ā¤ļøšš
Love this, I can comprehend although my heart and soul dosen't always allow me to put me first when i care so much about my partner.Ā IĀ am getting better at not settling for less in all area's of my life but being in love is very hard when your partner cannot give true, no bullshit love and commitment.Ā I at times know I'm probably not going to get what i want but feel God wants me in the specific relationship to shine my love and light.Ā I pray that my true soulmate or partner shows up in this lifetime.Ā I deeply know in my core that its all about love the rest is just bullshit... Thanks for being you.. peace,ā¦